Unbreakable
by mysticpandas
Summary: After a hard year apart, Clare and Eli find their way back to each other, but Clare has some personal demons that developed in Eli's absence that he will have to save her from. Rated T for language. Read and Review please!
1. Surprise

Thanks guys for reading! This is my first Eclare fic! Just let me know what you think :) Also, find me on Tumblr at .com to chat. Here we go…

Chapter One: Surprise

_Tick, Tock, Tick, Tock_

Her eyes shot daggers at the clock sitting on her nightstand. A sigh escaped her rosy lips as she noticed the time. "3:01," she mumbled as she sat up in her bed. The light flickered on with the touch of her hand, revealing her tidy bedroom surrounding her. It still bothered her to this day how clean it would stay, ever since that day.

"_Why did you even come here with me? I thought you loved me!"_

Six months it had lasted. Their teenage dreams broken apart from the stress of finances and university. He waited for her. He waited a year to go to school so they could be together, living in his parents' home for an extra frustrating year just so they could be together. But he loved her. God, did he love her. He would have given her the moon if he could. It was just too much. The constant bickering and clashing. They didn't know how hard it would be to jump from high school sweethearts to being grown-ups, living together in an apartment, trying to pay bills and going to classes.

His emerald eyes flickered open in the darkness of his extraordinarily small loft. The clock glared at hime from across the room. "3:01," he half-laughed, wondering somewhere inside if she was awake too.

"_Baby, I'm sorry. I just need some space."_

She had put too much pressure on him. She knew she had. But he was failing one of his courses and they needed the aid they were getting from the school. Their entire living situation depended on it. Her need for perfection drove him away and it killed her everyday knowing that she was the reason he left and never came back.

She twirled the tiny fake silver band around her finger, a tear sliding down her face at the memory. She poured herself a cup of tea, the fluorescent lights flickering above her in the run down student apartment. Their apartment was falling apart and their furniture was less than extraordinary, but that never used to matter. It was all so exciting and so fresh at one point that it just hadn't mattered. They had each other.

She walked slowly back to her bedroom, standing in the doorway, her eyes gazing at the scene in front of her. Everything was in its' proper place and put away. The bed, though she had just climbed out of it, looked well-kept and neat. The entire place was perfection. And she hated it.

"_If you leave, don't come back. I mean it, okay? You don't get to just abandon me."_

He wasn't sure whether it was his anger or his love that made him walk out that night, but, either way, he regretted it every single moment of every single day. He hated that she was pushy and needed perfection from him every fucking day, but he knew she did it out of love. He loved her, though. Loved her enough to see how badly his words would tear her apart. They fought. A lot. And every time, he drove daggers molded from spiteful phrases through her heart and he hated himself for it.

Whatever force was brewing in the air that night drug him out of his bed and into his cleanest clothing. He dragged himself out the door and out into the brisk December air. He shivered, his hoodie not enough to keep him totally warm, and began the three block trek to their place. He played with the silver ring on his finger, trying to concentrate on the warmth of the memories and not the cold of the early morning.

"_You know I don't want to leave…..It's just time that I do."_

She stared down at the fresh cup of coffee in her hand. Two sugars and one creamer. They still knew how to make her coffee from all those late nights they spent here. The waitress came by and brought her a fresh blueberry muffin, smiling sadly at the single girl. Her blue eyes had faded from a brilliant baby blue, to a foggy grey color. The sadness was written across her face. She missed him. She would have done anything to get him back when he left a year ago. She just didn't know how to reach him. She had hoped for the longest time that she would run into him here and be able to spill her heart out and apologize for all the horrible things that she did. She had dreams of running into him on the street and falling back into his arms, but she knew that they were just dreams and that what they had was simply a memory.

"_I'm sorry. You will realize this is for the best someday"_

He entered the diner with a ring of the doorbell and brushed the snow off his hoodie. The waitress glanced up at him and nodded with a slight smile, giving him the signal to take a seat. He headed toward their booth, when his breath hitched in his frozen chest. It was her. He would recognize that curly head of hair anywhere. Before he had the opportunity to turn and run, his feet were dragging him towards the table. He wasn't sure what he would do or say, but he knew this was it. The opportunity he had been waiting for. For the longest time, he had wanted to go back, apologize, beg her to take him back, but fear kept him from running back to their apartment for nearly the last year. He had just assumed she would have moved on and found a way to be happy. Now, he didn't know what to think.

"_But….Eli…..Please….I love you"_

She spun her ring on the table, watching it dance underneath the light above the table. She sighed and slipped it back onto her finger, letting a tear slip down her face. Her cold coffee was just not making her feel any better. Usually coming here made her feel more at home, like she did when she was with him, instead of a stranger to the city. She placed her head in her hands on the table and began to silently sob into them, not caring who saw. She couldn't do it anymore. She stood up, grabbing her purse and coat as quickly as she could before running right into someone and falling, letting this person catch her in the process. When she looked up at who was holding her, she gasped, realizing he was gazing back down at her tear-streaked face.

"Going somewhere, Edwards?" He couldn't help but smirk at the clearly upset woman in his arms. She couldn't stop staring at him, her eyes fixated on his own, and she used all she could to muster out of her own throat—

"Eli?"


	2. Struggle

Thanks for reading guys! Please review so I know what I can do to make this story better than ever! I think this story is going to be quite long and I can't wait for you to see what I'm going to do with it. For now, enjoy! :) Remember, you can find me on Tumblr at .com if you want to talk some serious Eclare with me!

Chapter Two: Struggle

His eyes could not remove themselves from her. He refused to let them. This could be it. His last chance to take in every part of her beauty for God knows how long. He had missed her more than words could even describe for the past year, and now here she was. He inhaled her scent, remembering how he used to bury his face in those curls that smelled of lilac and vanilla as they slept in each other's arms. His heart ached at the memory as she pulled herself out of his arms and took a few cautious steps away from him.

"How are you?" she whispered. He was barely able to hear her beneath the clamor of the diner. Her face was flushed, like she was getting ready to burst into tears at the sight of him. He knew that he had caused her pain, but he just assumed that she was his tough, strong Clare and would forget him and move along with her life.

Boy was he wrong.

"I'm fine," he lied in a hushed voice, still unable to take his eyes off her. She, however, was trying to avoid eye contact with all her might, feeling the tears struggling to remain behind their barriers. The waitress came over and interrupted the two lost lovers by requesting a payment for the girl's coffee, not knowing what exactly she had interrupted. Eli quickly pulled out a five and instructed the older woman to "keep the change" before Clare even had a chance to move.

Then their eyes met. Her faded grey eyes met his dimmed emerald orbs and they just stood there for what seemed like hours, staring at each other, trying to find a reason to stay or a reason to storm out. Neither knowing how to react to this seemingly planned run in. They just stared at each other, taking in their appearances, not knowing how long this would last or if this would be the last time they had this opportunity. After what felt like hours, Clare began to gather her things suddenly, mumbling something about having class early the next morning and quickly running out of the diner. She ran as fast as her feet would carry her before collapsing in a nearby alleyway. The snow sprinkled down upon her, freezing against her tears as they ran down her face.

She cried. She cried harder than she knew she ever could. Burying her face in her hands, she let out all of the emotions that she had struggled to hold in for the last few months. She had told herself to let it go and be strong, but damnit, that was just too hard now. She saw him and all she wanted to do was beg for his forgiveness. The fact that she couldn't even bring herself to try was the most heartbreaking in her opinion. She had just run away and left him there. Who knew if she would ever see him again? She had just run away from her one opportunity and she could not forgive herself. Not this time.

"Clare?"

Clare glanced up from her now soaking wet gloves and saw a familiar figure beneath one of the few streetlights that dimly lit the alleyway. Eli slowly began to walk towards her, cautiously like he was trying not to startle her. Clare tried to wipe the tears flowing down her face, smudging her eye makeup in the process. She stood up to his level and tried to push past him. Her head said "just keep walking" and her heart told her to turn around, but before she even had a chance to think about it he had grabbed her hand and turned her back to face him, the heat radiating through their touching palms radiating through their entire bodies. He could feel it in his heart. That familiar sensation he got when he was near her. HE knew it was love, purer love than anyone else had probably ever experienced, but he didn't want to do anything extreme, so he quickly dropped her hand, leaving the tingling sensation flowing through his right hand. Clare glanced down at her hand, as if she had just lost a part of her own body with the removal of his hand. He took a cautious step back from her and began to notice how upset she was. Under the dim orange glow of the streetlight, her eyes were red and her makeup clearly running down her face. Her cheeks were puffed which only ever happened when she was truly upset. He knew this because he had seen her cry several times before. Too many times, in his opinion. "Clare, I—"

She took a step backwards as if she was getting ready to run from him. He vowed to just let her go if she did. He didn't want to cause her any more pain. Her eyes had lost their brilliant blue, and that killed him. He knew it was his fault she was so drained of life and of that passion that she was once so full of. He could tell just from her eyes that he had truly destroyed her.

"Clare," he reached his arm out to her, as if trying to explain something that could make this situation any less awkward or tense, "Clare, please. I'm so sorry—" She took another step backwards. Confusion etched on her face as he tried to calmly talk to her. She wasn't even listening. She was too focused on the fact that he was here. He had come after her. Something he had never done before. She ran and he followed. "I just really want to talk to you. I know that you probably hate me—"

And before he could even finish his sentence, she had thrown herself into his arms and thrusted her lips onto his, letting the fireworks erupt around them and burn into the falling snow.


	3. Intensity

Thank you so much for reading guys! I could really use some more feedback, so maybe five reviews before an update? :) I'm hoping to update a few times this upcoming week. Thanks again for all your support! As always, you can follow me on Tumblr at .com to chat some serious Eclare! This chapter is going to be slightly Eli centric and the next slightly Clare centric, so we can get some balance and both sides of the story.

Chapter 3: Intensity

"_Look at the stars, Clare." Eli squeezed her hand tightly as they lay atop of his newly fixed Morty; she gazed up dreamily at the sky as Eli scooted closer to her on the hood of his car. It was a breezy summer night. The crickets were chirping and the light of the moon shone off of the lake, lighting up his lover's face. His breath hitched when he glanced over at her, noticing how beautiful she looked illuminated by the light of the moon._

"_They are all so bright, Eli," she inhaled deeply and began to go on and on about the stars: how beautiful they were, how she wondered what it was like out there among them, wondering aloud how it was possible for God to create something so perfect. "You're perfect" thought Eli, ignoring every word coming out of her curvy pink lips. He couldn't even begin to believe how it was possible for him to have such an incredible girl and to feel so much love for each other. Intense was the only word Eli could use to describe how he felt about this auburn-headed beauty that laid beside him. Even the way she breathed was gorgeous in his eyes. Life could never get more perfect than this, he thought. His eyes never left her, watching as she rambled on. He inhaled her intoxicating scent and his mind went racing._

"_Oh, you see that there? That's Orion's Belt. It was one of my favorites when I was little. My dad used to take Darcy and I out on the boat late at night and we would look at the stars. This was back when I was really into science and—"_

"_Marry me, Clare"_

_Clare stopped suddenly and her wide eyes shifted gently from the heavens to her angel, her breathing suddenly quickened and Eli noticed every move. "Wh-what?" she whispered, squeezing his hand just the littlest bit tighter in order to make sure she wasn't, in fact, dreaming. He slowly lifted himself onto his arms and hovered gently over her. _

"_Clare, will you marry me?" he whispered gently, gliding his hand over her perfect cheek. He noticed tears building up in her eyes, but awaited her response eagerly. He knew it was crazy, but he also knew nothing had ever felt more perfect._

"_Eli, you just graduated! I still have another year of high school. We are teenagers! Are you crazy? I don't know what—"_

"_Clare," he spoke calmly, noticing her nerves fighting to stay restrained. Tears began to slide down her face and it tore him apart. " I know we are young. I know that it probable seems like just a crazy idea to you. But, I love you Clare. I love you more than it is physically possible for a person to love another, it seems, because my heart just wants to explode everytime I even hear your voice. You are the most perfect thing I have ever seen in my life and I can't imagine being without you, so—" Eli took a quick second to break a piece of twine from the sandwiches they had wrapped earlier and took her hand, fashioning a small rope bow around that tiny little ring finger of hers, "Clare Diana Edwards, will you be my wife?" Clare burst into tears, startling Eli. She looked up at him, smiling joyfully, and with a shake of her head, accepted his impromptu proposal. He never thought she would accept, but her happy face was enough to make him burst into tears himself. He leaned down and kissed her passionately, with more love than they had ever experienced flowing between the two. They laughed and cried and kissed the rest of the night underneath the light of the blue moon._

On this particular morning, she was wrapped in his arms again. He lay watching her, in the very bed they used to share, as she slept, lying on her usual spot on his chest. After nearly a year, Eli could not believe how much she had changed. Her frame was smaller, her eyes and face lacking their usual life. But she was still his Clare. Her beauty still filled the room, enunciated by the light of the sunrise slipping in behind the blinds. He always did hate those blinds. He was back in _their _home. In _their _apartment, in _their _ bed, and he could not have been happier. They had stumbled into the apartment just a few hours earlier, their hands ripping away at each other, longing to feel the other upon their skin. They couldn't hold it in. They kissed and undressed and made love under the light of the blue moon sinking in through the window, never taking their eyes off of each other. At one point, "I love you"s were exchanged so quietly, it could have been thought that they never even happened. Neither was sure what it meant, or where it left them, but they were both sure that they would never mess up the same way they did last time. It just couldn't happen.

Clare stirred slightly in her sleep, letting out a small whimper that made Eli's face turn up into a soft smile. He brushed an auburn curl from her face, causing her eyes to flicker open. She smiled up at him with sleepy eyes and sweet sigh of comfort. "Hi" she whispered, barely audible. He smiled back down at her, tears coming to his eyes. The situation was so completely overwhelmingly perfect. Her eyes, her smile, her body, her everything was just so close to him.

"Hi," he managed, sniffling slightly, trying to hide his tears. "How are you feeling?"

"Great" she smiled, shifting to snuggle up closer to him, "A little hungry, but great." Her eyes had brightened, he noticed. Like she was happy.

"Well, I know I am just a guest, but may I make you some breakfast milady?" She giggled sleepily.

"You know you really don't have to, Eli." His heart melted when she said his name. She didn't say it in a surprised or angry fashion like she had said previously in the evening. She said it like he belonged here.

Before she knew it, he was up and dressed. "You know I do believe that someone here likes pancakes with strawberry syrup. Give me ten minutes?" He grinned at her as she nodded her head, laying back down on the comforter, her naked body exposed for Eli. And it didn't feel weird. It felt totally normal and natural, like nothing had ever changed.

Eli walked out to the kitchen, stumbling over an end table that was crammed into their tiny apartment. He noticed the books he had knocked over and began to pick them up.

And that's when her realized something was very wrong.

A journal lied wide open on the floor in front of him. The contents of the page scribbled violently on the worn pages. He knew Clare had kept journals. As a writer, he encouraged her to do just that. But these were not lines that belonged to an article she would have been writing or a story that needed some preparation. He noticed the small rope ring embedded in the crease of the pages.

_I messed it up. It's all my fault. Why would he want me? I'm awful. I am not deserving of love._

He picked up the ring sadly, starting to turn slowly through the pages of the journal, reading pages upon pages of sad, depressed statement, getting darker as the dates moved on.

"Eli, what are you doing?" Eli jumped and slammed the book closed, throwing it to the ground. "Clare, I—I knocked the books over and found this…Oh my God…what are you doing?"

"It's been twenty minutes since you offered me breakfast so I came to make sure everything was alright…" her eyes finally noticed the small rope ring that he held between his rough fingers. Her eyes widened in realization of what he had found and tears began to form in her eyes.

"Clare, I need you to talk to me…Baby, what's going on?" Tears were forming in his own eyes, scared he had destroyed the one good this he had ever loved. The one perfect thing he had ever had in his life.

"Get out," she hissed, tears falling from her face, ashamed of all the things he had just read. He found her secret.

"Clare, this could KILL you!" He pleaded desperately. He moved toward her and she lurched a vase at his head from the shelf abover her head. "GET OUT ELI!" She stormed back to the bedroom and locked the door behind her.

The last thing Eli heard before he left the apartment was the sounds of Clare's choked sobs from behind the door as he slid the tiny ring into his own pocket.


	4. Destruction

Got so many reviews last night! Thanks guys! You keep me motivated. This section, as I mentioned before is a little Clare-centric, but hopefully is as awesome as the last few chapters. Five more reviews for an update! As always, you can follow me at .com. Much love.

Chapter 4: Destruction

_Midnight. She giggled silently as she glanced down at her watch. Just slightly early for the midnight rendezvous that she had planned. Her hand gripped her falling backpack tighter as she walked up the drive to the Goldsworthy home. Every Thursday was their night. Sneaking over after her mother left for her girl's night was simple, getting inside was even easier with no parents stopping her._

_Crash._

_The sounds of breaking glass echoed from the room upstairs as Clare reached the front door. _

_Silence._

_She shook her head as she leaned to knock on the door, expecting his mother to excitedly reach outside and hug her tightly. _

_Bang._

_The sound startled her and she jumped, causing the door to sweep open on its own. Another large smash funneled down the stairs and into her petite ears. Grunting was following the explosion of sound, before a second round of silence settled around her. Clare gripped her bag even more tightly and started cautiously up the stairs._

"_E-eli? She questioned softly, hoping he would come out and nothing was wrong. But it was. The sound of breaking glass came solidly from behind his door. With a deep breath, she swung open his door, revealing the traumatized boy throwing his own belongings against the far wall, beads of sweat and tears dripping down his face._

"_Eli! Stop!" She screamed, throwing herself in his path. He nearly threw a stack of CDs at her before he snapped out of his anger coma. His face dropped and tears slid even more steadily down his face._

"_Oh, Clare" he sobbed, "I'm so sorry—" He threw himself into his arms, sobbing and apologizing for his behavior. She wrapped her arms tightly around him, protecting him, it seemed, from his own demons. _

"_What's wrong, Eli?" she questioned. _

"_My grandfather….he passed away" he choked. She whispered her apologies and let him cry. He gripped her shirt as if he was hanging on for dear life. All she could do was let him ride it out. _

Tears spilled down her pale, sunken cheeks, her arms clinging to the bedspread they had just made love upon just a few hours earlier. He was gone. Again. It was once again her fault. She had chased him away because she was embarrassed about her own personal issues. He didn't need to know that. He could never look at her the same way. She knew that. She was supposed to be his little Saint Clare and she had fucked that up about as soon as he had left that first time. She was ashamed and embarrassed. She couldn't fix this.

Her body snapped up off the mattress and ran to the bathroom, depositing all of the contents of her stomach into the toilet's porcelain bowl. Choking, she released her emotions in the only way she knew how to at this point. It just happened. In sixty seconds, she had released all of her anger and hatred, leaving only sadness and the void that always consumed her when she was finished with this ritual.

Blood.

She noticed it in the bowl, surrounding everything that she had just deposited. It was significantly more than when it happened two days ago. She knew she was taking it too far, but she just didn't care. She let her body crumble onto her flannel sheets, reaching over to redeem two sleeping pills from the nightstand, wishing her body to go to sleep. That was the only thing that seemed to help her raw stomach.

She swallowed the pills dry and laid down in her bed. Her body resisted and forced her back up from the bed to release the capsules from her body. This time, only blood found its way out of her. The porcelain splattered with red as her vision became blurry. He eagerly pulled herself off the floor, but collapsed after her first few steps into the bedroom. Weakly, she reached for her phone, only able to dial a "9" and two "1"s before the darkness consumed her.

He wasn't even back to his own apartment when he got the call. He had chosen to walk the sixty blocks to his own excruciatingly small apartment, thinking all the while about how he fucked it all up. He had ruined his final chance with the girl of his dreams. The streetlights cast their final gazes at him before flickering off in the light of the sun. He watched as the streets filled with busy people trying to get to their mediocre jobs and his heart ached. He wished only for her. He kicked an aluminum can down the street towards a group of gaggling pregnant women gossiping in front of a pregnancy boutique. He thought that one day that would be Clare and he would be home waiting for her to arrive with the new gossip. She would chat as he sang softly to her belly. She would make ridiculous craving requests and he would fulfill. Every crazy little thing they never did he missed severely. He ached just knowing that these scenarios that he frequently played out in his own twisted mind would never happen.

Then it happened. The phone rang and his life crashed around him. His breathing stopped, his heart stopped beating, his mind started racing. He had her for three hours. It had only taken three hours for him to destroy her.


	5. Urgency

Thanks again for reading guys! I have finished my summer classes at my University, so I will be able to post more frequently now. Looking into a study abroad program in Italy for spring 2013! Couldn't be more excited. Five more reviews for an update? As always, you can follow me on Tumblr at .com to chat :)

Chapter Five: Urgency

"_Let's just take it slow, okay?" Her eyes pleaded with him. He could tell she was terrified and excited all at the same time. As she should be. This was a huge deal. His arms embraced her tenderly as he hovered above her, their bodies dangerously close to one another. He nodded in response, leaning down to kiss her jawline._

"_I love you so much, Mrs. Goldsworthy," he crooned into her ear, his body struggling to not just tear her to shreds right then and there. She was exposed to him for the first time. Her nakedness spread out before him, just waiting for him to devour her. He could barely restrain himself. She was the most beautiful creature on the planet. And she was now his wife._

_There was an urgency in both of their touches, both scared and excited and ready for the change. She took a deep breath and nodded shyly._

"_I love you too, darling." _

_And then it happened. He entered her in one swift motion to prevent from dragging out the pain, and she cried. Her sobs made him want to remove himself from her depth and forget the whole thing. She just wanted to hold her and forget that this ever happened, but she urged him on. She pleaded with him through choking sobs to keep going. She wanted to feel him. She wanted him to truly have this part of her. He whispered sweet nothings into her ear as he glided gently in and out of her. His fear turned to surprise when she began to moan softly. He looked down at her with his trademark smirk and she smiled back up at him. Their lips met tenderly and passionately._

"_I love you Eli," she breathed._

"_I love you too," he smiled. She pulled him closer to her bare body than ever before and whispered "Take me."_

_He happily obliged._

Streetlights and sirens whizzed past him in a blur as he sprinted down the street towards St. John's Hospital. He was running as fast as his own two torn up Converse would carry him, letting his scruffy black hair run wild in front of his face. He didn't need to see. He just needed to get to her. He slipped a few times on the ice, tearing and scraping his hands on the pavement before he shot right back up and carried on sprinting towards his love. She couldn't be hurt. Just couldn't be. _There has to be a mistake._

When he arrived at the emergency room, he burst through the doors, screaming for her.

"Clare? I'm looking for Clare Goldsworth-Edwards!" He pleaded with the woman behind the receptionist desk, stumbling over his own feet on the way there. "Clare Edwards! Where is she?" His eyes were wild and desperate.

"Sir, if you will just give me a moment, I can figure out where she is—"

"This can't wait! She's my wife!" Tears started falling from his eyes, begging the woman to speed up her process. She found the file she was looking for and gave him the number "201" gently, shooting him sad eyes before watching him sprint up the stairs.

Once he found the proper room, he slowed himself down and wiped his tears before entering. What he saw broke him down completely. Clare lie in bed, completely asleep. There were wires coming from every part of her body and several monitors that were making random sounds. Her face was dull and lifeless; the color was completely drained from her face. She looked like a doll. A sad, broken porcelain doll.

"Excuse me, sir? Are you Eli?" Eli turned around and noticed a doctor standing in the doorway. HE quickly wiped the tears from his face and nodded.

"I have it here that you are Clare's husband. Is that correct?" He nodded, sparing him the story of their separation. The doctor motioned for him to follow him outside and he obliged, though not wanting to leave his angel's side.

"Are you aware of your wife's condition, sir?" Eli shook his head and looked at the doctor, puzzled.

" I have been away for a while," he lied, taking in his surroundings with a sharp breath.

"It would seem so. You haven't been here the last two times she was here for the same thing," the doctor stated. Eli's eyes opened widely and his jaw dropped.

"Wait….this is the third time?" Eli was utterly confused and scared.

"Yes, sir. Once four weeks ago, and the last time two months ago in November. Sir, your wife has a major problem with bulimia," Eli shook his head and took a few steps back.

"No, no," he basically pleaded with the doctor, hoping what he had just heard was just a lie, or a total dream. Maybe this was all a figment of his imagination, his bi-polar playing tricks with his mind. He prayed that he was the one that was sick. Not her. _She doesn't deserve this._

"Yes, Mr. Goldsworthy, she has been seeing a therapist here for about five months because of it. They believe it an emotional issue. She just can't seem to get it under control."

Eli shook his head and stormed back into Clare's room, moving a chair right next to her. He took her weak hand into his own, noticing the frailty within her own skin.

He had broken her. This was all his fault. He tore her apart the same way he tore himself apart. He sobbed into that beautiful hand of hers, kissing her fingers, pleading with her body to let these demons go. Maybe he could take them all upon himself. Take her demons and add them to his own. He would do that for her. He may not survive it, but it was worth it to see her survive.

"I'm so sorry Clare. I'm so, so sorry—" he choked on the sobs protruding from his throat. He clung to her hand like it was the only thing keeping her alive. If he let go, he was afraid she would disappear forever. "Baby, I love you. Come back to me."

It wasn't long until Eli fell asleep gripping to her hand like it was her final lifeline.

It wasn't much longer after that until Clare's blue eyes flickered open and rested upon the pile of shaggy black hair that was clinging to her for dear life.


	6. Empty

Thanks for all the wonderful reviews guys! As always, criticism is welcome because I just want this to be the best story that it can be. We are about to spiral into some serious dramatics, so get ready for the bumpy ride. Sorry I haven't been posting as often. I am currently working like forty hours a week and haven't been able to find time, but I will try to post twice this weekend. Maybe ten reviews for update this time? :) As always, find me on Tumblr! .com

Chapter Six: Empty

_Silence. It was so thick that it was painful. They just sat on the edge of their beaten down mattress, staring at each other. Waiting was the only thing they could do and patience was, seemingly, not a virtue._

"_Eli, what if—" His hand grabbed her hand desperately off the quilt beneath them, quieting her worry. _

"_If it is, then we will figure this all out together, okay? I love you no matter what." She shot him a slight, sad smile before being interrupted by the sound of an alarm going off. Both sets of eyes widened, both hearts beat faster, both breathed more heavily._

_This was it. Answer time._

_Clare got up from the bed, looking back at her new husband for just a moment before picking up the small stick from the nightstand. Her breathing stopped completely as she flipped it over in her hand to see the fateful results. A blue minus sign stared back at her, sending a wave of emotions through her core._

"_I-it's negative…"she trailed off like she had just witnessed some kind of tragedy. Eli saw the hurt in her eyes. Both of them, in their own way, had hoped that this was really happening. That maybe there would be a little Goldsworthy baby. _

"_Oh, Clare…" He got up and pulled her into his arms, listening as a small sob escaped from her plump lips. They let the silence consume them once more as they mourned the loss of their non-existent child, before Clare eventually dozed off in his arms on their bed. _

_He laid a blanket over her as he wiped his own tears away from his face. It just wasn't meant to be. Sure, it would have been an accident, but it would have been the best accident that would have ever happened to them. As Clare lay sleeping on the bed next to him, he pulled a brown paper bag out of his worn down nightstand. A sigh left his lungs as he pulled out the small onesie he had purchased earlier in the day, hopeful that this would be their chance at a family. Tears poured down his face before he slipped the small article of clothing back into the bag and back into the nightstand, all the while telling himself that someday it would be their turn._

Clare awoke with a start, feeling something was missing. It took her a while to realize where she was and that her visitor was now missing from her bedside. She was alone. The monitors connected to her beeped and buzzed, just filling the void that was the silence around her. Her eyes darted around the room, hoping to catch a glimpse of him, beginning to panic and her breathing becoming irregular. She became quickly frantic, a panic attack beginning to set in her already fragile body when someone suddenly grabbed her hand in their own.

"Clare, calm down, it's okay," Electricity radiated between the two hands; she knew who she would see when she glanced up. Tears filled her eyes as she recognized the messy black haired boy that stood at her bedside. He looked as if he hadn't slept in days, his face pale and his eyes sunken with dark circles beneath them. Immediately, she began to bawl and his arms consumed her, protecting her the same way he had for years before they abandoned each other. It was as if time had never skipped a beat.

"Eli, I-I-" She couldn't make anything out beneath her sobbing. She was exploding with emotion. He should never have had to see her like this. She was pathetic, worthless, broken. She was ashamed of her own condition and now he knew how fragile and weak she really was. She was no longer his strong Clare-bear.

"It's okay, Clare," he whispered, stroking her hair. He was secretly taking in every moment he held her in his arms, smelling her sweet vanilla scent that was radiating off her skin, feeling her pressed into the spot that was molded just for her in his chest. "I just need to know that you are okay. I talked to the doctor and he told me what has been happening…"

"I-I just….I don't know how to fix it, Eli" Her sobbing became more heavy and he gripped her tighter, promising through action that she everything would get better. She would no longer be broken.

"I'm so sorry Clare…."Tears began to fall from his own emerald eyes, his cheeks puffing with emotion, "I did this to you. I made you this way. I—"

"No, Eli," she muttered through pained tears, "I have always been broken. You did not cause this." Deep down she knew it was the truth. Regardless of how much emotional pain they had put each other through over the last year, she knew that her issues were much bigger than just Eli.

They sat in the silence, letting the beeping and buzzing of the monitors consume them. He just held her, as if no time had passed at all. She let him cling to her, letting both of their lives fall back into each other, using the tragedy as the jumping off point for fixing their mistakes. Each was afraid that letting the other go meant losing them forever, but neither willing to admit how their love was exploding. His eyes gazed down to hers as they were beginning to flutter and she was being taken by sleep. He couldn't handle how fragile she looked, as if she would break just by him touching her. He had always needed her, her patience, her strength. And now she needed him more than ever.

The light had faded from the room as the sun sank behind the clouds and the stars rose above the city. They laid in the darkness, neither saying a word, just watching the outlines of the other's face. Their minds screamed for answers, but neither willing to admit that they needed the other. He watched as her eyes closed gently, her weak body taking over her mind. In her sleepy daze, she let her thoughts escape her lips, letting them linger in the emptiness of the hospital room.

"Eli," she whispered, only seconds from drifting into a dream, "I still love you….don't leave again."

He stared at her in awe of the words that had come from her lips as he noticed she had fallen quickly asleep in his arms. He brushed her hair from her forehead before planting a gentle kiss upon her. He ran his hand down her cheekbone, admiring her beauty, even in sickness. Tears began to pour from his own eyes, partial sadness and partial joy. He let his own emotions pull him into a sudden sleep, but only after he replied:

"I love you forever Clare. I'm always here."


	7. Apology

Didn't quite get enough reviews but I really wanted to write! I have some great new ideas and can't wait to share them. Updates may be scarce this week because I'm working 40 hours, but I'll try. As always , follow me on Tumblr. Ten reviews to new post. I'll write it tonight and post it when it reaches :)

Chapter Seven: Apology

"_Hello Miss Edwards, we have your results back!" The doctor cheerfully entered the room Clare sat nervously inside of. Her fingers were laced together in her lap, her anxiety clearly written all over her face. She knew the test had come up negative, but she just had to be sure. That's how her mom ended up with a Darcy surprise: two false negatives. _

"_Well, you are in fact not pregnant," Clare nodded her head in acceptance. It clearly just wasn't her turn. She took a deep breath in order to fight back her tears, moving her sweater sleeves up to her elbow as she looked up and shot a fake smile up at the doctor. _

"_Well that's just great news! Looks like I'll be going the—"_

"_Miss Edwards, I have some other news I do need to share with you, however," The doctor looked sorrowfully at her, Clare's heart sinking, knowing that nothing good would come from the rest of their conversation._

"_O-oh," Clare uneasily sat back down into the plush chair in her doctor's office, her mind racing as to all of the possible things that could be wrong._

"_It looks as if there is a hormonal imbalance in your system, Clare, a pretty severe one at that," The doctor sat down behind her desk, shooting those "sorry" eyes back towards her patient._

_Clare shifted nervously in her seat and sighed, "What exactly does that mean?" She felt the lump already building in the back of her throat._

"_Well, Clare I'm so sorry, this imbalance will make it rather hard for you to ever have children. Not impossible, just severely more difficult," The doctor continued to list off therapists and other doctors she could see for treatment, but Clare couldn't hear. All she knew was that she was really broken, and this wasn't something that anyone could fix. After hearing one last apology from her doctor, she left the room silently, leaving her dreams behind her._

Eli awoke, his face buried in a mess of auburn curls. The machines connected to his love were beeping, making sure he couldn't get back to sleep. His arms were wrapped around her waist, clinging to her as if she would just disappear. He inhaled her deep vanilla scent and cherished her body beneath his arms. This was his true idea of perfection. He was unaware, though, that she was actually awake next to him, her mind racing.

She didn't deserve him here, she thought. He had no idea how broken and sad she truly was, and he didn't need that in his life. Clare cherished his embrace for a few more fleeting seconds before they were interrupted by the entrance of a doctor. The lovers stirred and moved away from their grip. Their eyes met briefly, sadness radiating from the blues and anticipation from the emeralds.

"Miss Edwards you are clear to go home today. Be sure to continue your therapy as scheduled and come back for a check in in a couple of weeks, okay?" Clare nodded and stared down at the floor. Her feet dangled off the edge of the hospital bed, Eli noticing her nervousness.

"Thank you doctor," Eli stated, moving forward to shake his hand, brushing down his bedhead with his free hand, "I'll take good care of her." The doctor nodded and gave Eli the discharge papers before leaving the room. "Did you hear that, babe? We get to go home," Eli spun around, his heart full of hope crashing to the floor when he saw the tears falling from Clare's eyes and the sadness that surrounded her. Her eyes were fixated on the laminated flooring beneath her, her tan sweater dangling off one shoulder, revealing the unflattering hospital gown that was draped over her body.

"Eli," she whispered," I don't think this is a good idea." His heart sank, barely taking in the words she was throwing at him. He stepped forward and reached for her hands, but she pulled away, taking a step back.

"Clare….what's wrong?" confusion echoed through his words. After the nights they had just spent together, he couldn't understand why she was pushing him away. Clare's mind was racing. He noticed tears hitting the floor, though he could not see her eyes. Slowly, she lifted her gaze from the floor, Eli's heart breaking as he noticed the pain spread across her sunken face.

"You don't want me…" Eli shook his head in response to her statement.

"Clare, I want you more than anything! I can't imagine being without you. I—"

"No you don't. Eli," Her voice cracking at her very statements. She didn't want to let him so, but she knew that she had to. "I'm too broken. I don't deserve you. I'm falling apart and can't even get better. Don't you get it? Eli, I'm not enough for you. You deserve someone who can give you the world and beyond that. Someone who can do all the things you want to do. Someone who can give you a future, a life….a family…"

"Clare, don't….you know you can give me all those things," She shook her head.

"No, Eli, I can't. I-I can't have kids." His heart shattered. All he wanted to do was hold her and love her and tell her it would be okay, but she stepped away from his reach.

"Clare, why didn't you tell me?" She shook her head, tears falling even faster than before.

"It was the night you left, Eli. You didn't care to hear it…."

Eli began to cry at her words. He never realized until this second that he hadtruly abandoned her and left her at her biggest time of need. This was all his fault.

"Clare, I-I'm sorry…."

"I think it's better if you just leave, Eli." Clare turned her back from Eli and faced the window. Eli took a step towards her, wanting her to know how much he truly loved her.

"Clare, I—"

"Eli, just go." He heard the pain and hurt in her voice and turned and left. Taking one last look at that head of curls that had caused him so much happiness just twenty minutes earlier.

"For what it's worth, I still love you Clare. Always and forever."


End file.
